I am rewriting the damn thing. See you on the other side.

I often reflect on this decision to make a website. It is in my mind all the time, it never left. Each glance on it, each thought, each idea seems to spark a glimp of inspiration. A bit of hope. Yet, I never delivered even a fraction of what I promised to myself I would. Yet, the fact that I keep paying for the hosting and a domain explains a lot of things that are happening in my subconsciousness. This is no longer about lack of skill. This is about the willing. The dedication, the psychology. How can the dedication fade as long as the motivation's fed?

"It is in thy power continuously to fan these thoughts into a flame." - as Marcus Aurelius once said, completely unrelated to the topic, yet, suitable in the current circumstance. I may try just that.

I feel really mixed right now. It feels like there is no progress being made at all, like I'm constantly running on a treadmill with a piece of cake attached to a wall in front of me. The more issues I fix, the more of them appear on the same spot.

Yeah yeah I do remember saying that I'm making progress. I actually do. Although, the amount of dullness I receive after fixing something just to encounter another incompatibility or fatal issue that requires another rewrite of a whole thing... This is just too much. What I truly get the joy from is making the lore. Molding the world, connecting bits and pieces together, creating gameplay mechanics and innovating in some sorts. And all I do for the past months is redo-ing everything. I am overwhelmed and I don't know what to do by now. I never took any courses, never made any side projects, never had a proper education and my whole childhood was told that in order to achieve something I have to do what others do and nothing more.

Perhaps, this was a bit too much to handle and I underestimated the amount of work required to shape the whole website. There is just too much things to think of, from secure login system and proper layout of the elements on every browser and device, to color palettes and downscaling images when they appear small on screen. My workflow, my approach, my patience and focus, they are completely screwed and I need something to do with all of them. When I'll figure them out, it'll be announced here, in the news (diary) feed.